Presidential?

When I first saw this picture, I laughed, I snickered, I rolled my eyes. I thought, "Not only does the picture capture McCain as emotionally erratic, angry, defensive, and bordering on the verge of hysterical at times, but also as ridiculous."

In front of him, Barack Obama looks nothing if not presidential. The picture captures the mood of last night's entire debate -- Obama as serious, and McCain as erratic. CNN's panel of post-debate commentators kept bringing up the word "professorial" in relation to Obama's behavior as if this was a bad thing (I suppose it can be, though personally I did not view it as such), but admitted that he scored well because he kept his cool, smiled, maintained a respectful and thoughtful demeanor throughout. Meanwhile, they drew attention to McCain's smirks, defensiveness in basically badgering Obama for an apology because his feelings were hurt over accusations of racism, and complete inability to hide his utter disdain for Obama. Someone used the word "seethe," which is perfect. McCain practically seethed disdain, an extremely unattractive trait in anyone, but especially terrifying in someone who may potentially have to sit down with world leaders whom he abhors but maintain diplomacy.

The smirks, the cracked-out looking scary big eyes, the rolling of the eyes, the frightening goblin grin... these all frightened me and made me think that I was watching a scarier version of Bush. Why scarier? Because McCain is clearly more intelligent than Bush; clearly more deserving of the presidency that Bush has been, and has a history of being stabbed in the back by his own party. All these added together, I think that a vengeful, embittered, 72-year old former torture victim who can't control his emotions, let alone his facial expressions, is much scarier than a fool who smirks and hiccups into cameras, but no one takes seriously.

After all this is said, however, I look at the above picture and am saddened nearly to tears. John McCain was a beacon of hope once for many Americans across partisan lines, and many were saddened to see him lose to a man who should not have won the presidency. He is not lying when he says that he has in fact battled with his own party; he even came close to considering leaving the GOP, disgusted with the first G.W. Bush administration. But something has happened in the past few years, and I think the party broke him.

The picture above saddens me because I see, underneath the scary bug eyes, the mean comments, the irrational arguments, the unflinching disdain, I see an old man. An old man who had, and I am sure still has, a good heart with good ideals and hopes for a country that he genuinely loves and has nearly died for. I see a man who finds himself to be nearing the end of his life, and who wants to win. I don't know if he wants to win for himself, or for the country, or for his party, but it is most likely he wants to win for all three. To watch George W. Bush be president for eight years and know that could have been him at least for four, and know that he could have done a better job, and that the people and his own party turned away from him, must leave him bitter. And now he wants his moment. He wants the win. He wants the glory and the prestige and the chance to prove that he is what he has told himself he is for so many years. He wants to win, and he wants the other guy to lose. What is more human and more understandable than the desire to see yourself the victor and the other guy the loser?

The photo saddens me because he tries to be funny, but he is awkward. He is a sad, old man. He sees the presidency slipping away from him a third time, and knows he will never get this chance again. He knows that the woman that he picked for his vice president is a moron (he has to) and he knows he chose her to pander. And it makes me sad that an old man knows that he has succumbed to people he hates.

I don't think the hatred that McCain feels and shows for Obama is entirely aimed at Obama, though certainly much of it is. He must hate Obama for being so young; for being so popular; for being so privileged as to talk about terrors of war without having gone through them; for being an iconic image to a country that McCain thinks owes him something; for swooping up something that he wants so badly. But I also think some of that anger and disdain is aimed at himsef; he must feel disappointed in himself because this race is proving so difficult for him, because he is running out of time, because he is not young and vibrant and handsome and eloquent. He kept taking jabs at Barack Obama last night, drawing attention to Obama's "eloquence," as if this was a grotesque quality. The cynicism was just jumping off the screen, and it saddens me that he feels that way, that he is so cynical that he thought the only way to win was to pick that crazy woman as his running mate, because that would get him votes from a particular base. It saddens me that he did not have enough faith in himself and his constituents to truly fight a worthy battle and run a truly worthy campaign. It saddens me that he is brought down to this, and the picture above captures a sad old man who is so painfully awkward that even when he tries to play off a moment of disorientation, he can't do it without looking like a puppet.

I don't know, really, what it is about that picture that makes me so sad. I think it's funny-looking, but the old man with the awkward "oops, what did I just do?" makes me want to give him a hug. It makes me want to slap him, and say "wake the hell up, and tell me who you are, and tell me what you want to do, and stop bullshitting, and be honest, and be yourself!!" I think that is part of the sad part of this picture. I don't know if McCain can still be himself. The facial expression is one that people make when they feel too many eyes on them, and they feel so uncomfortable in their own skin that they make some random weird move to push away the discomford.

The picture comes from Reuters, and no, it is not doctored. We all saw the little dance that McCain did when he lost his way coming off the stage, and the picture just captures a split second of that.

To slightly switch the subject, I also feel like slapping Barack Obama and yelling at him for his utter failure to answer the VP-question last night. What in the freaking world was that!?!? Here was his chance to discuss Palin's lack of experience; of education; her shady background; her hateful speeches; her delusional views that somehow combine traditional family values, a lack of sexual education in schools, no government spending, and a welfare program that pays for children born to teenage single mothers; her lack of diplomacy; etc etc etc. And what does he do? He practically kisses her and McCain's asses, and calls her "capable." Now, I realize he was trying to be "diplomatic" and not trash-sling, but he could have drawn attention to some of the questionable issues without calling her a mindless and poorly programmed robot, as I would have done. I can't forgive him for that, and he needs to step up his game!

To end on a positive note, I would like to draw attention to a matter of high importance, and that is the perfection that is Anderson Cooper. Now, over a year ago, when I opened up and admitted to several people the affection that I harbor for him, I was met with chuckles and even several helpful pointers that in fact Anderson Cooper may be gay. Now, over a year later, Anderson Cooper has grown only more dreamy and perfect in my eyes. He is so dreamy that his steely blue eyes make my tummy all aflutter each time I see him, and his voice, perfectly inflectioned, gives me the schoolgirl giggles. Is Anderson Cooper gay? Who the hell cares? If he is, it does not in the least affect me, seeing as how this love affair is completely single-sided. All I know is that he makes me very, very happy, and it will be a sad, sad day in America and the world when his beautiful face and lulling voice retire from national television. Now, if Anderson Cooper was dumb as a board, or even remotely dull, he would be completely undesireable to me. The man looks like he weighs 95 pounds, and is 5 feet tall. He has prematurely white hair, and pointy, elfin ears. He is objectively a semi-attractive skinny little man, but his eyes are always aflame with intelligence, and his reporting especially during times of crisis like Katrina is always inspiring, enraging, and well thought out. The fact that he went to Yale, marches along everyone else during protests he believes in, and went to Vietnam for the hell of it after graduating from Yale... I don't know how it can get any sexier than that. The man is a tasty morsel of visual, aural, and mental candy, and I can't get enough!