Slow down, sister

I made a promise to myself that 2011 will be the year that I take care of my life. The inner and the outer, the tangible, the invisible, the loud, the silent, the confident, the lost, the broken, the strong, the crazy I don't know what I am doing with myself life, the life that surrounds me and tries to get by without me touching it except by its coattails as it zooms by. That life.

But I am messy. I am messy in my room and I am messy in my head. Things jumble together and I get overexcited and want to tackle the whole wide universe of life-fixin's at once, and therefore implode before I even get started. I know, I've tried taking care of my life before. So this time I am going to try something new to me. I am going to try slowing down.

Slow is hard. Slow takes time, slow takes patience, slow takes faith. Three things that don't always go hand in hand. When I have one, I am missing the other two. When I finally get to two, the third somehow slips away. But no matter. This is a year of unity. The year I am getting my mind and life to zen. The year this trinity will finally merge. Time, patience, faith. To hold on to them is like the proverbial sand in the hand, I will try to hold loosely, and they will no longer squeeze away. I hope. No, I believe.

So I am slowing down. I am learning. Man, is it hard! I am the girl who does four squats and wants perfectly toned thighs. The girl who makes one batch of frosting and wants it to be Martha Stewart quality. The girl who gets a 1% raise and wants to buy the whole damn store. The girl who always leaves late for an appointment because she thinks she can make up time on the road. The girl who takes a Spanish class and thinks she's fluent. Who wants it all now and throws her hands up and walks away when now takes too long. I like to hurry but for no real reason. Not a good reason, anyway.

I think I am off to a good start. I am trying to prioritize things, organize issues into categories. Things like "health," "finances," "social life," "career goals." Instead of a long list of things to do in one day and not doing any of them, I have created a long list of things to do in a year, and am tackling them one, or two, at a time. I find that I can tackle "health" and "finances" at one time, but only if I subdivide these into smaller sections, so instead of "get teeth fixed, foot looked at, lose weight, make ophthalmologist appointment" and "do taxes, create separate savings accounts, pay off credit card debt, make more money," it's looking more like "get teeth fixed and get taxes done." Then, on to the second set. And so on. And so forth.

I'm also learning that realistic short term goals are much more achievable than lofty, far off goals. "Get to the point where I can do 120 squats and still be able to walk the next day" is a lot more achievable than "lose weight." "Pay off credit card debt within three months" is a lot more tangible than "earn more." "Blog about something important to you right now" is more likely to happen than "write a best seller."

It's really difficult for me, this slowing down thing. But I can already see its benefits. I am happy because I am achieving my short term goals. Therefore I am more encouraged to keep reaching other short term goals, and thus feel confident in setting new challenges for myself. It's kind of like the really unfortunate Catch-22 of working out/eating right. The worse you eat and the more out of shape you get, the less likely you are to be motivated to work out and eat better. But once you start, the more you workout, the easier it gets to watch what you eat, and the better you eat, the more dedicated you become to your workouts. I guess that's always been my problem. I want my donuts and my rock-hard abs, too, instantaneously. So I am making choices, setting priorities, and slowing down enough to see the difference between what I want and how to get there.

CrossFit GO

Last Thursday, I took my first step into a CrossFit gym. It was, to say the least, intimidating. First of all, it looked like a giant garage in the middle of an industrial zone. "Really?" thought I. "Am I going to get murdered here?" There is nothing around except warehouses! (At least that's what it looked like at night). But then I walked in and it was quite lively and remarkably happy. A gaggle of people were waiting around for class to start, and they ranged from the super buff college jock to the flabby dude you'd see at the office.

The trainer had me do a very preliminary work out, comprised of warming up along with the rest of the people there, and then doing a separate workout while everyone else did the Workout Of the Day. So the warmup was repeating as many times as you could in the span of twelve minutes the following rotation: four hopsteps, nine situps, five pushups, 4 jumpsquats, and a minute of stretching after each round. Umm by twelve minutes I was already exhausted. And this was the warmup! Then the trainer had me do my own separate little workout while everyone else did strange things with very large weights that they kept lifting and throwing to the ground, while others did strange things on gymnastic-looking rings. I don't know. I figure in a while I will learn the lingo to better explain these things.

Anyhoo, my little workout was three rounds of the following exercises: 500 meters on the rowing machine, twenty situps (using this little back pad thing), and twenty steps on a big tall wooden step thing. Sounds simple, right? Umm, wrong. It took me 16:03 to complete this, the time went up on the white board, and I was a shaky, sweaty ball of endorphins. It's kind of annoying how the harder you work out, the happier you feel, because it makes you want to work out more, and the lazy side of me is morally opposed to wanting to work out more! Ha.

All this to say that this week I am going back for my "pre Cross Fit" classes, three days this week, in which I will learn about the moves that make up CrossFit workouts and get to know the trainers more, and in the process, get my butt into gear.

M is training for his third half marathon right now, which will happen in only EIGHT WEEKS, and I made him a promise that as long as he is training for his half, I will go to CrossFit three times a week. I am hoping this keeps both of us motivated on focused on our individual goals. After all, we only have six months to go until our wedding, and we can't be flubby and huffy!

So, today is really CrossFit Day one, since last week was so introductory. I am making a minimum three-times-a-week-for-two-months commitment, and now that it's in the blog universe, I hope it will keep me accountable.

I know that even harder than going to my CrossFit classes will be cutting back on the eating. I don't know what happened, I was doing real well, but for the last couple of weeks I've been approaching food like it's made of air, and all of a sudden I am past my "weight ceiling" -- the highest number that is acceptable. So, I need to cut back on the cookies at work, but mostly portion size. I definitely have eyes bigger than my tummy when it comes to food, so I pile on the food a bit more than necessary.

But considering I'll be paying an arm and half a leg for CrossFit, I feel like I will be motivated to cut back on the food as well -- after all, what's the point of paying so much $$ if I negate all my efforts by eating badly? Okay, so here we go blogworld, you are going to keep me accountable.

So, CrossFit operation is officially a go!

I am not kidding you, this is my trainer