Sherlock in Love

Sherlock in Love: A Novel by Sena Jeter Naslund

My review

rating: 1 of 5 stars
I had heard great things about Sena Jeter Naslund's Ahab's Wife, and when I went to check it out from the library, I noticed a much shorter book by her, Sherlock in Love. Now, I usually delight in pastiches, even in parodies, of famous books (Shamela, anyone?) so I thought, if AW is supposed to be good, SIL should be good too! Wrong!



This books is truly terrible! Sandwiched between a somewhat intriguing beginning and a flaccid, unfulfilling end, is a ridiculous plot peppered with even more ridiculous characters.



The novel's premise is as follows: two years after Sherlock Holmes' death, the loyal (and in this book, kind of creepy and pathetic) Dr. Watson decides to write a biography of the great Holmes. Immediately, Watson begins receiving threats and his house is broken into. Somebody clearly wants Sherlock Holmes' biography to be scrapped. But why?



This is the question that drives Dr. Watson's tale. He becomes a detective in his own right - kind of. He delves into his own notebooks from decades before to find out just who - and why - might want to stop this book from being written. In his journals, he re-discovers a cast of characters so absurd doing things so stupid that I seriously contemplated setting the book down and returning to my Octavia Butler books about aliens.



Sherlock in Love could have been a success. There are the makings of a far more interesting and successful novel here - cross-dressing musical geniuses, schizophrenic European royals, cocaine habits... but nothing is cohesive, no character is endearing, and by the end of the book I didn't care who lived, who died, who was who, and why they did the senseless things they did.



To bring this to a close, I was sorely disappointed. I will still read Ahab's Wife, if only out of my love for the original Melville novel, but I strongly recommend staying far away from Sherlock in Love.


View all my reviews.

note: I have no idea why there is so much space between parags, and I can't seem to change it. I am a code loser...

Word of the day: Obnoxious

obnoxious |əbˈnäk sh əs|
adjective
extremely unpleasant.
ORIGIN late 16th cent. (in the sense [vulnerable [to harm]] ): from Latin obnoxiosus, from obnoxius ‘exposed to harm,’ from ob- ‘toward’ + noxa ‘harm.’ The current sense, influenced by noxious , dates from the late 17th cent.

Things I believe could accurately be described as obnoxious:

People who back into parking spots. Why do they do this? This is extremely obnoxious! An ex-boyfriend used to do this and it drove me nuts. I asked him for a reason once, and his response was, "it makes it easier to drive away." Easier than what? I do not understand. You can drive into your parking spot and back out of it when you leave (total time this takes, an approximate 2.10223 seconds), or you can look like a jackass backing into a parking spot, which I know takes more than 2.10223 seconds, and then look like a smug jackass when you drive away. If as you read this you realize you are guilty of this obnoxious behavior, please stop. You are obnoxious.

The luxury SUV L.A. population. These people are ridiculous. On the way out of L.A. last week, we played a fun game called, "count the big cars." It's a simple game, really -- you count how many big cars (SUVs, vans, pickup trucks) you see in a row before a small car (like a sedan, though we allowed Scions to be in this category) interrupts the flow. I think one time I got to 11. Then, a little car would come, followed by 7 or 8 big cars. But these aren't just big cars. They aren't just pick-up trucks; they are obnoxious big cars and pick-up trucks. They are Escalades, Explorers, Yukons, dual-cabin-extra-long-bed-wide-as-a-motherfucker cars. With 85-lb blonde, fake-tanned women driving them to pick up their chihuahuas from the beauty salon. This is obnoxious. Within 20 minutes (TWENTY!) I counted eight (EIGHT!!!!) Hummers.
*This is the appropriate time to include a subcategory of obnoxious people:
People who drive Hummers.
You are obnoxious. Please stop. You live in California, not a military base. You are going to the Lakers game, not a secret operation in the desert. You drink soy lattes with light foam, wear 200 dollar torn jeans, and the closest you've come to combat is playing video games. You probably spend half your paycheck on gas. You are obnoxious. Please stop being a jackass.
I regress. Back to the big cars. When we got back up to Palo Alto, I realized there are many big cars here too - but in the week that we've been back, I have not seen one (ONE!) Yukon, Escalade, Navigator, or Hummer (this is not to say they never appear). The point is, I have seen more Priuses driving on the way to work today (2.5 miles) than I have obnoxious luxury SUVs in a month. L.A. drivers who ride in luxury SUVs but never go offroading, or even out of L.A. -- you are obnoxious. (Here is a fun wrap-up of other obnoxious L.A. driving behavior.)

The medical industry. The medical industry as a whole is obnoxious. Kaiser Permanente is my insurance provider, so I can really just focus on them. The referral system is obnoxious; the fact that their website says "refill your prescription online," lets me enter all my information, confirms that my prescription is arriving in the mail, then FOUR DAYS LATER emails me saying, "your prescription cannot be refilled, and please don't reply to this email as the pharmacy will not read your message," and then directs me to the same page where I originally filled in my information -- this is all obnoxious. Also obnoxious -> trying to call KP and waiting on hold for 25 minutes until I get fed up and hang up, only to have to do this later. Kaiser is obnoxious.

Twenty year old college students who wear Ralph Lauren collared sweaters with dress shirts underneath. You are obnoxious. You are twenty, you binge drink, and you room with four other guys. You are not yet a businessman, a lawyer, or a senator. Act your age. Extra obnoxious points - when said collared RL sweaters are worn with sandals. Completely mind boggling. You are obnoxious, please stop.
(A note on the image: this is not exactly what I'm talking about, but the fact that this is how RL markets their clothes makes wearing them that much extra obnoxious.)

Old people who think that because they are old, they can be obnoxious. I will cite an example: On Tuesday last I was preparing for an event at work that was starting in, oh, about 20 minutes. I check on the room and find out 137 chairs have been set out, and I was only expecting a few over 50 people to show up. So, I scurry and try to take out as many of the extra chairs as possible - nothing worse than too many empty chairs!! -- and just then, an old man comes and sits down in a chair that was CLEARLY meant to be taken away (seeing as how every other chair in that column had already been cleared). I let him know, as nicely as I can, that I mean to clear all the chairs in that row. To which he responds, "Hmf! I think they call those columns." So obnoxious! If you are old, please do not be obnoxious just because you think being old gives you the right to do so. Being old gives you the right to fall asleep during boring talks, walk slowly when you cross the street, and tell the same story over and over again. It does not give you the right to be obnoxious.

This concludes my examples of how to use the word of the day: obnoxious.

Brains in Your Head, Feet in Your Shoes

In just a few weeks, I will officially be an aunt, and I'm so excited! I love being an auntie to M's niece and nephew, who are simply awesome, and now it's my own sister who's having a baby.

There are babies, babies everywhere! Our fridge is already becoming covered in baby pics, and it makes me so happy to see their squishy faces every time I walk into the kitchen. And, in anticipation of the question, No this does not make me want one, and Yes I sigh with relief each time I see them because I don't have one. (Yet?)

I went to the Stanford Bookstore today and picked up a couple Dr. Seuss books to send to my soon-to-be born nephew, because Dr. Seuss is freakin' AWESOME, and also they are perfect for learning to read AND learning English!



"One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish" is especially good with all of the above - reading, numbers, as well as colors and English (the baby's Italian. My family is very international. That's how we roll).

I wish the bookstore had "The Places You'll Go," which I think is the best of the Dr. Seuss repertoire. It has an incredible message - you can do anything you set your mind to, but along the way, life will be hard; just remember that you will persevere!

I think I will share a few snippets of this wonderful book with you here (go here for the full text):


You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

...

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

...

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

...

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

The Mud Run

I have been avoiding blogging about this for months. The reason is two-fold; first, it took me a really long time to accept that I have actually signed up for this, and second, I feel that my training progress is not impressive enough to write about. However, the date is soon approaching and I have to fully embrace the torture that is...

The Mud Run

From the horse's mouth: "This is the World Famous Mud Run! The Mud Run is a challenging 10K run with hills, tire obstacles, river crossings, two 5-foot walls with mud on both sides, tunnel crawl, slippery hill climb, and the final 30-foot mud pit. Along the course there will be 6 water points with personnel staged at each. This is the most fun you can have running a 10K! View the course map at www.camppendletonraces.com. Race individually military or civilian, within your age division, or as a member of a 5-person team. Choose the Open category with no restrictions on attire and footwear, or the Boots and Utilities category, which requires regulation military boots and camouflage utility trousers. Please note: there is a 2 hour 45 minute time limit on the completion of the course."

M and his friend Ray (of Ray of Light Fund) did this last year. Ray's girlfriend and I went to cheer our men on, and watched the sheer torture that this race truly is; somehow, both of us are doing it this year. Sadly, due to a confusion in scheduling, it will be on different days, but I digress. The point is, I have witnessed the disgusting mud, I have heard the screams of hundreds of people being hosed down with icy water as they try to crawl up a muddy hill, and I have smelled the foulness of the final mud pit. And I am now doing this. Why? The gods only know.

But let me try to work out the reasoning behind this.

I needed an incentive to get my lardy butt in shape. Especially since I started work, I have feared that I was on the steep slope to imobility. And yes, I have a lovely gym that I visit regularly, but with no real incentive to get me motivated, the gym was really more a recreational activity than a health-and-fitness motivator.

Second, M's sister really wanted to do it, for the same reason (see above), and when I realized she was serious about it, I felt compelled to join, knowing I'd have another girl to run with and support, and be supported by.

Third, everybody that crossed that finish line last year looked so... happy!


The hellish hills, the mucky mud, the fire hoses, the whole shebang - and the girl above is exhilarated! I wanted to feel that same sense of accomplishment and pride, and I have never really pushed myself to do anything remotely athletic that would warrant such results. This is my chance. I could have started with a 5k or even a normal 10k, but I figure, if you're gonna do it, might as well do it with a bang. So, I'm doing it!

I have been running now for a couple of months, and I have to say that I am really proud of myself. When I started, it was a struggle just to run for a minute. Now, I am doing just under 13 minute miles! Hoorah! Hooray!! Huzzah!!! Last weekend M and I went to Santa Cruz and ran for over an hour on forest trails, which was good for the body, but even better for the soul. There really is no other feeling like running over brooks, by wildflowers, under mossy branches of redwoods.

The only snaffu in my perfect plan to become a running goddess is...

My Lame Foot

I have a lame foot, and it's a pain. Literally. My right foot apparently decided that it wants to become entirely numb somewhere between 1.85 to 2 miles, almost every run. It feels swollen, bloated, numb, tingly -- it SUCKS! My doctor said it's a nerve, and gave me stretches to do. I do them, it still numbs. I recently bought some sole inserts and they seem to help, but I am feeling the pressure to go see a podiatrist. I hate going to the doctor, so I have been putting it off, but it must be done eventually. It seems that hills and soft ground are better -- in Santa Cruz, it didn't do the numbness thing! Another reason to love Santa Cruz, as if I needed any more.

This past weekend, we ran at the Rose Bowl, and I saw how big of an improvement I have made since the last time I went running there. That's the most rewarding part about working out - is seeing and feeling yourself improve with time. I remember the first time I ran on the treadmill for five straight minutes, I wanted to hug myself.

So, until June, I will try to blog about my progress. It will be a challenge to increase my training, because my parents will be staying with us until after the Mud Run, but I will have to figure something out. Maybe run in the morning, if I can convince myself to get up.

Mud Run, here I come, and I will conquer you!