Things to come

1. Photo proof* of my culinary adventures, including my soon-to-become famous white chocolate, raspberry-filled, and chocolate cream cheese-frosted cupcakes.

2. Impressions of 4th of July camping trip.

3. Additions to my foot woes/whoahs series, including adventures in barefoot running and my high hopes for five-toed running shoes.

4. Discussions on upcoming events, including Kenny Chesney concert, Wharf-to-Wharf run, and possibly Harry Potter film.

5. Most likely a review of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

* Cupcake shown in banner was not made by yours truly.

Book Review: The Elfstones of Shannara, by Terry Brooks

The Elfstones of Shannara by Terry Brooks

My review

rating: 2 of 5 stars
**Disclaimer: LOTS OF PLOT SPOILERS!!!**



The plot of Elfstones is intriguing, the characters of the book are likable and pretty, and the world of the elves is a captivating one filled with races of men and magic of a forgotten world.

If you have no problem with the previous sentence, please stop reading this review and immediately pick up Elfstones. You will find yourself in the company OF a fun fantasy novel.

If, however, you felt your eyes itch as you read "of ___" five times in one sentence, please advise - do I finish a book I am enjoying because it is sheer fun, or do I punish Terry Brooks for terrible writing and set his novel down?

I am about half-way through The Elfstones of Shannara -- too far to walk away from now -- and I do feel invested in Wil and Amberle's plight (not, however, "in the plight of Wil and Amberle." Tery Brooks, get an editor!). The elven world is threatened by an ancient evil, and as Amberle, a young elf girl/princess and her quarter-elf companion Wil attempt to keep the evil at bay, demons unleash brutal attacks upon the elf kingdom Arborlorn.

Standard LOTR-ish plot ensues: two young and naive protagonists go on trek across lands populated by trolls, dwarves, and stick-men who pick up our protagonists and carry them across the forest (ahem, Tolkien-is-scratching-his-head). The goal: submerge a magical talisman in the fire from where the magic originates in order to prevent an evil demon army from murdering the elves and taking over their kingdom (ahem, Tolkien-is-now-giving-Brooks-the-stink-eye). The old wizard Allanon, a la Gandalf, helps the two young protagonists along their journey with, among other magic, a magical staff that wards off evil dragons (ahem, Tolkien-just-shakes-his-head). In the end, old magic must be mustered by the young protagonists, each questioning his and her own strength (ahem, oh forget it!).

Arborlorn, the elf kingdom

I know a bit about the series from a friend, and am intrigued by the interesting concept that this magical world is actually the FUTURE rather than a long-ago past. A terrible war occurred thousands of years ago (i.e., around the 20th century), and the people who waged this war are the elves' ancestors. Kinda neat, no? However, Brooks handles this SO SUBTLY that I did not really catch it and I think I'm supposed to read the whole series to truly understand what happened.

Once I finish the book, I will add some final impressions. For now, I am content with my fun fantasy world, though physically pained by the (at-times) atrocious writing.

***

After finishing this book last night:

The blatant similarities between Elfstones and LOTR are most obvious in the battle scenes and demon descriptions, but after a while, I stopped caring about plagiarism and just allowed myself to enjoy the ride. Most of the action occurs in the book's last third or so, with battle scenes that were entirely too long for my taste, and a hectic, exciting, and terrifying race against time through crazy forests. The protagonists grow into a little gang that by the end includes the beautiful Elf girl Ameberle, her protector Wil, the even more beautiful Rover (kind of like "gypsy") girl Eretria, the old man Hegel, Hegel's trusty old dog, Drifter, young Perk, and Perk's trusty old giant flying bird. Whew! There is even a fuzzy, furry, friendly little half-wit elf thrown in for kicks. Guess what, he saves the day!

The writing improves in quality as the book nears its end, perhaps because there is so much action that the writing stops trying to be cutesy and just tells the story. The action itself is riveting enough to have kept me up until 1 a.m. to finish the book, and the climax is pretty damn exciting! Suspense, surprise, the whole shebang.

Lastly, pervasive Christian allegory infuses Elfstones, but not to Narnia levels. Let's give away the story some more: Magical tree in the "Garden of Life;" apostles (the "Chosen") who tend to the tree of life, which turns out to be a symbol not only of purity but also great personal sacrifice; prodigal children abound; and so on. Having recently watched the awfulest of awful summer movies, "Terminator Salvation," I am grateful to Brooks for how he handled Christian mythology in his novel: subtle and embedded in the plot, not garishly obvious and out of place like in McG's (seriously, that's his name?!?!?) terrible of terribles.

I give Terry Brooks' Elfstones of Shannara three enthusiastic stars for effort, but am retracting one star for poor writing and occasional blatant plagiarism.


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Venus

I know I say "I looove that movie!!" about a lot of films, but really -- I LOOOOVE this movie!!! As Peter O'Toole puts it in the interview that's on the DVD, "Venus" is "about a dirty old man and a sluttish young woman" -- but it is so much more. Really, it's about the unexpected joy that someone, really anyone, can possibly bring to our lives not only when we least expect it, but also when we may have forgotten that we can still experience that joy. The passion that the human body itself represents and is always empowered to instill in others is another main theme, humorously wrapped up by the strange relationship that strikes up between a brash, country teenage girl and a septagenarian ladies' man. "What interests you?" the young Jessie asks of old Maurice. "Pleasure interests me. I have tried to give pleasure," he replies. Now, in the last few weeks of his long life, at the end of a successful career, Maurice is unable to provide the sexual pleasure that he formelry could have, but he gives Jessie a much more important one - that of being listened to, taken care of, loved unquestionignly and unabashadly, a love that is part dirty old man and part fatherly protection.

Vanessa Redgrave also has a very small (three scenes) but quite memorable part, that of Maurice's wife. These two have shared decades of their lives, even after their marriage dissolved decades ago after another woman, she tells him, "took you away from us." Strong, funny, indominable, Maurice allows himself weakness in front of her, reflecting on another complex side of human relationships. "I loved you, for a time, and after that I was always very fond of you." Painful as the words are to say and hear, they perhaps encapsulate what many experience in marriages or in long friendships. Passion flares and fades, but that fondness that we grow to have for people is somehow relentless and more important than all the passionate sex in the world.

Peter O'Toole (above, in "Lawrence of Arabia") makes "Venus" such a sensitive, attentive movie. I loved watching it, and I seriously think you should go out and rent it right now! Special bonus is the super funny scene in which Maurice and his friend of 50 years get into a fight in their local cafe, hitting each other over the head with rolled up newspapers. My mother very poignantly remarked, "Oh, how foolish men are, even when they are old!"

Original post date: September 2, 2007

"Under" Kicks "New" Ass

Close your eyes and try to imagine the scene... You are in a dark room, surrounded by strangers, the atmosphere is of excited expectation. You know the feeling well, the possibility that what you are about to experience will be something to remember. After half an hour of fast-paced, loud foreplay, you settle down for the main event. You are about to watch a much talked-about and anticipated film, in this case, "The New World." Keep in mind you had planned to go to the movies all day to watch "Underworld," but at the last second, a decision was made to watch this instead, because after all, it is much more your taste. So "The New World" it is.

To say that this movie was a dissappointment would be the biggest negative hyperbole of the year. There is virtually no dialogue, and of the little talking that does occur, most of it is as voiceovers. The cinematography might be a redeeming point for some moviegoers, but personally I was over the swaying fields of high grass and the rain pitter pattering into the river after the first 25 times. While the 13-year old (at the time of filming) Q'Orianka Kilcher who plays Pocahontas (we are never told her name) is "totally believable" as a fresh-faced, wide-eyed, vibrant and loveable character, most of the other actors are very oddly casted. Colin Farrel is unusually unlikeable as John Smith; the fact that Pocahontas was attracted to him and fell in love with him makes her seem all that more naive, because honestly, he's not that great a catch. Well, ok yes he is the best-looking of the bunch, considering every one else is either old, dying or semi-putrid already. Then there is Christian Bale, so ODD as John Rolfe, the loyal and loving husband who I found myslef rooting for. The romance b/w Rolfe and "Rebecca" (Pocahontas's Christian name) is so much more interesting and realistic than that b/w her and Smith that it really makes us not have much sympathy for this love that changed the course of the world.

Even James Horner's score was a let down. If I hear another tinkly tune on the piano I'm going to hurl. Still impressed by Geisha's score, I have high standards for my big-movie music, and this was definitely a miss.

So no dialogue, crappy casting, irritating music and FUCK it drags on and on... PEOPLE ACTUALLY LEFT THE THEATER. And im not talking about that one person who gets the urgent phone call mid-film. Several people actually walked out. And there were more than a couple paying customers who fell asleep during the ordeal.

CHECK IT, YO: http://www.gayot.com/lifestyle/movies/reviews/2006/the_new_world.html

It was so bad that we decided, despite the fact that it was getting super late, to sneak into "Underworld."

Yes, there are a couple cheesy scenes (someone PLEASE stop making people make out in the middle of catastrophe... NO ONE, not even if they got the chance to kiss Kate Beckinsale (who is super sexy in this movie) would stop in the middle of a werewolf fight to make out. sorry), and it is gorry as all hell, but in a very fun kind of way. And yea the dialogue isnt award-winning, although a couple lines were pretty smart actually and stuck with me after the credits rolled... But all in all, I have to say that Underworld was a fast-moving, action-packed tale of retaliation and setting wronged things right. Would I recommend people go watch it? Not necessarily, unless you are deciding b/w this and "The New World." At least in this one you get one hot sex scene b/w Kate and Scott Speedman (lot's of near-crotch shots, and I gotta say that girl has a sweet stomach); you also get lots of gross-out close-ups of werewolves changing from people into creepy, hairy, teethy things, there is a threesome scene, a father-sons moving (somewhat) back story, and ultimately, a cheesy romance. When faced with choosing between that and a dull, overly-long historical drama/romance, the choice is clear. "Underworld all the way." A great way to end an otherwise 'cultured,' peaceful, happy, beautiful day and a very satisfying weekend.

Original post date: January 23, 2006